Celestia: sees Spike Twilight, there is a pygmy lizard-pony standing behind you. Kill it like the rest.
 
Spike: Uh, actually ma’am, I’m a dragon!
 
Celestia: Kill it like the rest.

@Hureno  
Princess Celestia: Hrrrrk…….HRRRRRRRRRK….er…uh-oh…  
Mayor Mare: KILL HER!  
PC: NOOOOO!! TWIIIIIIL-(ripping and tearing sounds with rainbow-colored blood splattering everywhere)-erghk! oh god…oh god, wow…(more ripping and tearing and rainbow blood) ……choke on it…….

Spike: I like you. I’m going to call you Purple Smart.
 
Twilight: CALL ME THAT AGAIN, AND I’LL SNAP YOUR NECK!
 
(Later)
 
Celestia: PURPLE SMART, GET IN HERE!
 
Twilight: Celestia, damn it. (walks in) What is it, Your Majesty?
 
Celestia: I have a bitch of an itch on my left flan…(notices Spike) Twilight, why is there a purple dragon here? Kill it like the rest.
 
Spike: Uh, actually, I’m from Ponyville.
 
Celestia: …Kill it like the rest.

@Ripple_Shine  
This has been done.

@Background Pony  
DO IT YOURSELF FATASS!!

@BP  
Random Pony 1:The one that nearly wiped out our race  
Princess Celestia:Yeah  
RP2:The one caused by those filthy Draqounequi  
PC: Yeah  
RP3: The ones we purged as per your instruction?  
PC: YEAH!- See…..I might have shifted the blame on that one  
RP1: …..you what?  
PC: Remember when I said they were the ones who cause the disappearance of our precious cake  
RP4: We slaughtered thousands  
PC:….it was me  
RP2: HOW?!  
PC: I ATE IT!  
RP3:WHA?!  
PC: HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT SO FAAAAAAAAT!  
Everyone: (horrified)  
PC: And now I can die with a clear conscious

Twilight: Princess Celestia, we have another traveler from Ponyville.
 
Celestia: Oh, please tell me you didn’t let them insi–
 
Apple Bloom: Howdy, Princess Celestia!
 
Celestia: OH FAUST DAMN IT!
 
Apple Bloom: Princess Celestia, ma’am? Mah friend Scootaloo told me that you could help us by…touching me.
 
Celestia: Do I look Catholic to you?
 
Twilight: Princess, I think she means she wants you to release her hidden potential.
 
Apple Bloom: Yeah, that.
 
Celestia: Fine. Stand still. It’s your first time, so I’ll be gentle. Now relax, as I reach deep inside you and grab hold of your essence.
 
Apple Bloom: Ah…need an adul-
 
Celestia: I AM AN ADUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

PC: Don’t worry, Twilight, I will entrust the duties of princess to Sweetie Belle; she is the third strongest of our kind.
 
TS: Princess, there’s only three of us left…
 
PC:…Sweetie Belle, how does it feel to be the bronze medal?
 
SB: It feels like everyone I know and love is dead.
 
PC:…Every party needs a pooper, that’s why they invited you. Party Pooper~ Party Pooper~
 
TS: Princess Celestia –
 
PC: Why are you still HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRE?!

“I don’t know what a Gilda is, but it sounds disappointing.”

Pipsqueak:Celestia, you’ve been around for a long time, how old are you.  
Celestia: I am this many  
Pipsqueak:….you didn’t hold up anything  
Celestia:THAT’S HOW OLD I AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

OH GOD, NATURAL LIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

Do you remember the great chaos that befell our people?

Hi, I’m Sun Princess Celestia. I’m the one who’s not judging you based on your appearance.

Twiliiiight!  
I saw a Parasprite … it was pretty.  
….  
Whips its ass!

The abridged Android Saga can’t come fast enough.

haha