The major hellsing

Shinji

Some of you have come to believe that I like war. I wish to dash these rumours. I do not like war.
I. Love. War.

Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war:

You get up in the morning. You get into your shitty carriage. And you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down the street in his Porsche.
Class war.

You make it to work, and find out that the annual drug test is today. And you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife’s awful parents.
Drug war.

But then, you find out that the only ones called in for testing are your zebra and donkey coworkers.
Race war.

Then you try and post about it on your Facehoof, but then all your friends start arguing about what’s right and what’s wrong.
Flame war!

You finally get home and you decide to relax by watching a show about “Who gets the box?” “What’s in the box?” “How much is what’s in the box worth?”
Storage Wars.

What I am telling you, my Nazi army of 1000 vamponies, is that I am a purveyor of war. And with your help over the years, we are now at the precipice of our true goal.

You see, I want a simple war. No class wars, no drug wars, no race wars, no flame wars, and certainly no Cold Wars! _{blueballed for 40 years.}

What I want is a war that only we can bring! A true war! A Germane war! The sequel you’ve all been waiting for:

I!
WANT!
WORLD!
WAR!
III!

My friends, it has often been said that I like war.

My friends, I like war…

No, friends, I love war!

I love holocausts.

I love blitzkriegs.

I love defensive lines.

I love sieges, charges, I love mop-up operations, and retreats.

Wars across prairies, in streets, in trenches, in grasslands, in frozen tundras, through deserts, on the sea, in the air, I love every act of war that can occur upon this earth.

I love blasting the enemy to smithereens with artillery salvos that thunder across the lines of battle.

My heart leaps with joy whenever a soldier is tossed high into the air and cut to pieces by well placed sniper rounds. And there is nothing like a tank operator using a Tiger acht acht (88) to destroy enemy tanks. And the feeling that comes when a soldier runs screaming from his blazing tank, only to be mowed down by heavy machine gun fire, is such an exquisite feeling. Like when ranks of infantry brandish their bayonets rushing into the enemy line. It moves me deep within my heart to watch a fresh recruit stabbing over and over into the bloated chest of a long-dead enemy.

The sight of deserters being strung up from a street lamp is an irresistible pleasure. And there is nothing more arousing than the sounds made by prisoners of war dropping like flies, screaming in agony as they’re mowed down by ear piercing schmeissers!

When a band of pitiful resistance fighters makes their final stand with nothing but small arms, only to have their city smashed to atoms block by block by 4.8 ton bombshells, (tone suddenly softens) I’m in ecstasy.

I love it when my forces are ravaged by a Griffon armored division. It’s so sad to see towns and villages that were supposed to be defended at all costs, being laid to waste, their mares and foals being raped and killed.

I love to be squashed under the heel of the Equestria and Crystal Empire war machines. The humiliation as my troops crawl around like vermin, ducking the jagdbombers flying overhead.

Gentlecolts… All I ask for is war, war so grand as to make Tartartus itself tremble. Gentlecolts, I ask you as fellow brothers in arms what is it that you really want? Do you wish for further war as I do? (Voice begins to raise) Do you wish for a merciless, bloody war? A war whose fury is built with iron and lightning and fire? (Dramatically raises voice) Do you ask for war to sweep in like a tempest, leaving not even ravens to scavenge from this world!?

(The soldiers begin shouting/chanting “Krieg” meaning “War”)

…Very well. Then krieg is what you shall have. We are a clenched fist, ready to strike down all who oppose us with our might.

But… After enduring over half a century wallowing in the darkness, for us, a simple “ordinary” war will no longer be sufficient.

(Raises voice) We need a MASSIVE war! A war beyond any other that man’s history has ever known!

We are but a single battalion… The remnants of a defeated army numbering less than a thousand strong. However, I believe that each of you old warriors is equal to a thousand of their sickly soft foals! We represent a force that could easily defeat an army of a million and one stallions!

It is time for them to awake the ones who sent us screaming into oblivion, and who now lie sleeping. Let’s drag them out of bed by the tails, and remind them of what we are! We will remind them of what it feels like to live in fear. We will remind them of the sound our jackhoofs make against their throats.

We will remind them that there are more things between Heaven and Tartartus than are dreamt of in their philosophy.

Our Kampfgruppe of one thousand vampires is going to burn this world down to ash.

(Cuts to window scene)

Yes, my friends! Soon, Equestria’s charred remains will illuminate the night sky!

I have brought you all back just as I promised I would. Back to our favorite battlefield. Back to our beloved war!

(The Letzes Battalion hail the Major as their Battalion Commander.)

…At last, the sea lion has crossed the ocean and is heading up the hill. Attention, all soldiers of the Millennium Battalion! This is a message from your commander.

…Friends… let’s bring them Tartartus.

(Fades out to Zeppelin)

My friends, it has often been said that I like war.
My friends, I like war.
No, friends, I LOVE WAR!

>“The Canterlot Palace?”
“Burned in blazes.”
>“The Friendship Castle?”
“Toppled to the ground.”
>“The Circle of the Dragon Lord?”
“Erradicated.”
>“The changeling hive?”
“Obliterated!”
>“The Pony Race Museum?”
“Let that be, nopony will deny what we did.”

Sieg gehoert jetzt mir.

Gentlemen…We..Are…Nazis