No conflict fought in cyberspace has been as extensive and destructive as the Pony War. What began as an innocent children’s show inflamed the hearts and minds of some with a crazed fanaticism, and like many zealots before them, they thought only their ideals could unite a divided world. These bronies, as they called themselves, made impressive early gains. The first efforts to oppose them were hasty and disorganised and many online enclaves surrendered without a fight. In the face of the Equestrian onslaught, internet users all over the world went to bed in fear each night and often logged on the next day to find their favourite web sites ponified. It seemed no franchises were safe; even such great bastions as Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, and Warhammer 40K sank beneath a rising tide of rainbows, love and tolerance. Yet like many past imperialists, the bronies grew too confident. Most felt their victories had been pre-ordained, and as champions of all that was right, they had no need to consolidate gains or improve their strategies. When the non-bronies counterattacked the bronies’ overconfidence gave way to grimmer realisations: their rapid advances had covered more ground than they were able to control, and their most celebrated legions were deep in unknown territory and outnumbered by enemies. Their battles grew more desperate and their empire unsustainable. Bronies far removed from the front felt the war was going on too long, but drew comfort from their propagandists, even when each “victory” was “won” closer to their homes. As the bronies suffered worse defeats their Empress Celestia fell into a deep depression, but some of her closest aides clung to their dreams of world domination. Equestria was crumbling, but they thought its fiercest loyalists could be repositioned globally to start a very different kind of war. These plans sent three famous bronies to a small Pacific island. Duane Morris was meant to assess its resources; Henry Gish was meant to convert any natives or new arrivals who they found; and Weyland Oates (who preferred to be called Damodar because he thought it sounded more threatening) was tasked with defending the others, teaching new recruits to fight, and exterminating infidels. After three days in the jungle without Skittles or Mountain Dew, Morris and Gish gave up and went home, but Damodar swore to fight on alone. He lost all contact with the outside world when his smartphone batteries ran out just before Equestria surrendered. Damodar stayed in his jungle hideout, occasionally emerging to declare his loyalty and chase visitors away with a ferocious Banzai charge. Attempts to reason with him failed; he thought every claim the war had ended was anti-brony propaganda. Damodar continued his guerrilla war for thirty years, achieving nothing of strategic worth, but growing the longest neckbeard in history. He became a kind of tourist attraction and as more trolls and white knights arrived business on the island boomed. Eventually his ex-commander grew tired of his infamy. She travelled to the island, personally confronted him, and very publicly revealed a list of his most embarrassing secrets before convincing him to quit.