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Description
Commission for the always wonderful flippedoutkyrii, who was inspired by the Undyne guard I stuck in the background here, and wanted to expand her story, protecting her liege from the many dangers this world holds. Flipped also wrote the story for this piece, as begins now:
Princess Cadence hummed a mirthful tune as she procured her desired blouse from the elegantly designed rack with a flick of her horn, her 5 inch dagger heels clicking against the pristine tiles as she lifted her shopping bags up off the ground and made her way to the checkout lane.
“All tuckered out from corralling some of my finest garments, Honey Bun?” The Cashier inquired with a spirited tone, her signature top-hat and popped high collar doing their best to express her extravagantly thick eyelashes.
It wasn’t often that Sapphire Shores checked-out her own customers, after all!
Passing a mirthful smile back, Cadence lined her bags on the counter as she dug into her purse to retrieve her most faithfully packed wallet.
“Just about! I just couldn’t decide between which lace to go with, I have quite the ensemble back home and a certain Hubby who would be more then happy to see completed. A decision like that needed a dash of love to accomplish!” Cadence winked to Sapphire Shores, who giggled in response.
“OOH LA LA!! if I knew ahead of time you were getting somethin’somethin’ for your special somepony, I would have rolled out my latest undergarment line for my first ever grand opening in the Crystal Empire! But honey, sometimes you just have to commit to the bare minimum with such a gamble!”
Sapphire Shores wasn’t wrong in her assessment. As soon as the Crystal Empire returned to Equestria, it did not take long for throngs of business ponies operating under questionable circumstances flood the city and serve only the finest in useless trinkets and tat to a future-shocked population. Princess Cadence was quick to stamp out that practice, however, overseeing the influx of legitimate entrepreneurs and merchants herself with a keen eye for high quality wares and merchandise suitable for a population who has been living under a literal rock for over a thousand years.
Suffice to say, a vast majority of the Crystal Empire has been untouched by modern Corporate Equestria. That’s not to say that the time-capsule of a Kingdom is oblivious to their modern neighbors. The last year has seen an explosion in fashion among the population thanks to a particular Violet-maned Unicorn and her notable entourage of esteemed seamstresses. And by golly, a vocal niche had an appetite for more. And it was that desire which Sapphire Shores was more then happy to satisfy!
Unfortunately, judging from the lack of customers in the building, it seems her advertising campaign to celebrate her stores grand opening fell on deaf ears.
“Well, I am more then certain your new line-up will reach the Crystal Ponies soon enough, a slow day like this shouldn’t be a detriment to such a talented Seamstress such as yourself!” Princess Cadence smiled, happily sliding a platinum credit card across the counter with a snap of her finger.
“I ain’t one to fret the small stuff, Sugar Plum!” Sapphire Shores chirped happily, not a care in the world. “It was practically jumpin’ this morning and I have no doubt it will pick up the moment you are finished stimulating the local economy!
“Whatever do you mean-” Princess Cadence bit her lip, suddenly realizing what Sapphire meant. Turning on her heel to face the entrance to Sapphires Boutique, The Princess of Love blinked at the scenery outside.
Standing tall even among Alicorns, stood Princess Cadence’s most resilient and persistent bodyguard. Her armor as immaculate as her ponytail and her spear as smooth as her bald head, Cadences Bodyguard flexed under her steel plates as she studied passerby, who hastened their pace or had the brilliance to take the long way around such an imposing threat to their daily grind.
“In all my years abroad across Equestria and down the most dangerous Manehatten street, I have never seen such a sight! My own Staff have overstayed their smoke-break for the day just so they don’t get her stink-eye! Hay, she put the pep in Discord himself when he waltzed by for Celestia knows what! Wherever did you find such a brute, Sugar?”
Gulping loudly, Princess Cadence put on her best forced smile. “Oh… well, I didn’t have to look far for somepony in such a profession as myself!… I mean, where else would I…?” Cadence cast a quick glance back at her intimidating boydguard, who successfully scared away another potential customer with one single glimpse. “…She came with the Castle.”
Sapphire Shore’s blinked profusely, nearly dropping Princess Cadences Platinum credit card. “Beg your pardon, Sugar?”
“Undyne is quite renowned for her immense determination to serve… I couldn’t even get her to leave my side even if I wanted to!” Princess Cadence giggled, trying her best to hide her own woes at her current predicament.
‘Came with the Castle’ was just putting it lightly. The last thing Princess Cadence wanted to do was admit that her obedient bodyguard had actually tackled Shining Armor after she was freed from the tyrannical rule of King Sombra. Serving as his head of the Sombra Guard appeared to be not something done by her own free will, but a desire for leadership and purpose ran through Undyne veins, so much so that upon being pried off Shining Armor by Princess Cadence herself, Undyne professed to serve the Alicorn from that day forward.
It wasn’t a matter of prestige or loyalty, Undyne simply assumed Cadence was the one wearing the pants in the relationship.
Despite her Objections to such a thing, Undyne was indeed fiercely committed! Proclaiming that through blood, rain or even a particularly muggy day, Undyne the Undying would serve her and her spacious Relationship pants fervently all day, everyday, protecting her from assassination, or assimilation, or kidnapping or hay, even a party-cannon ambush from a loud, pink abomination that will certainly not evade the swift spear of justice a second time, no matter how many military officials, Frantic Purple Unicorns obsessed with friendship or sisterly deities say otherwise!
“THAT PUPPY COULD HAVE BEEN A STALKER, I SHOULD KNOW, THE GREAT DOGGO UPRISING GAVE US PLENTY OF REASONS TO BECOME A CAT LOVER!!” Undyne bellowed, shaking passing windows as she chortled up a storm, barring yellow fangs and sending a nearby gathering of teenagers running to the hills. Princess Cadence pressed a finger to her brow, sighing deeply as her bags levitated by her side.
The two couldn’t have been more of a mixed couple, even if they wanted to. Undyne stood tall in over a hundred and fifty pounds of steel plates, chainmail, battle-hardened leather gloves and boots, a flowing cape and wielding a notable Spear that could strike fear into even the most fevered Changeling. Standing at her side, Cadence wore a simple day-scarf, an elegantly stitched blouse, a flowing skirt and two-thousand bit knee-high platform boot’s, whose heels clicked harmlessly over the ancient cobblestone roads of the Crystal Empire. Although, it was hard to hear them over the heavy pounding of Undyne’s own footsteps, clanking armor and… boisterous pitch!
“Undyne…” Cadence Curtly nodded, maintaining her mirthful tone to ease the surrounding tension. “Indoor voices, please.”
“WE ARE OUTSIDE, I DO NOT NEED TO BE CONTAINED BY SUCH A PROVERBIAL PRISON OF-” Undyne bit her lip as her usually upbeat demeanor wavered slightly. Blinking her one good serpent eye a few times, Undyne nodded in response. “I… shall contain my excitement if it means the future of our outing is both safe and…” Undyne’s bottom lip quivered briefly as she cast her gaze away to hide her disappointment. “Uneventful…”
“Uneventful is not a negative trait for a glorious day quite like this!” Princess Cadence explained in a reassuring tone. “One does not solve a simple grievance by snapping a stallions spine in two-”
“-I did solve a simple grievance! He couldn’t just walk away from kidnapping Daring Do! Both Figuratively and literally!” Unyne Chortled, banging the blunt end of her spear into the cobblestone streets as she walked.
“-OR, find boredom in the peace and tranquility of Modern Equestria!” Princess Cadence interrupted curtly, her tone condemning. As much as the Stallion may have deserved it, it would have been wise to avoid violence, had he not gestured that weapon in Rainbow Dash’s general direction. Despite a certain Rainbow-Maned Pegasus finding a new idol (and a new hankering for Fish-Sticks), Princess Cadence had to find a way to tame a Pony who was born and raised in a time of strife and war to refrain from committing such horrific acts of violence
Especially if said Pony was stuck to Princess Cadence like glue!
“Modern Equestria could use more suplexing completions, if you ask me…” Undyne huffed, her single eye narrowing lethargically. “I have been trying these reformation lessons Purple Smart is so renowned for, and I personally feel I have made progress in her studies! Especially during cooking class!” Undyne grinned, baring her sharp teeth as she chuckled to her own success.
“I wouldn’t call destroying the kitchen progress!”
“But wasn’t my seared trout delightfully mouthwatering!?”
Cadence opened her mouth to retort, but quickly quickly closed it, nodding in agreement briefly. “You are improving. I’ll give you that. I might add, your vocabulary has significantly improved since our trip into Canterlot. It’s been quite awhile since you last uttered loser or punk in the same sentence!”
“I wasn’t entirely spacing out during your many long talks of etiquette you know!” Undyne chortled, passing a wink to Princess Cadence, who giggled in response.
“You still have plenty to learn-”
“-I’m doing so one giant fishy step at a time-”
“-This is not an observation, this is a command!” Princess Cadence held back her own mirth at the sight of Undyne the Undying straightening her stance and puffing out her chest.
“What is it that you desire, m’lady?” Undyne murmured, her grip tightening on her spear.
“Enjoy the day!” Princess Cadence chirped happily before blowing a playful raspberry to Undyne. “It will not be long before modern Equestrian technology trickles into the Kingdom, so I’d like to enjoy as much of the city sights before the inevitable changes the landscape of the Empire we know so well.”
“Will I be needed to safeguard The Crystal Empire against this technological threat to our way of life!?” Undyne raised her voice, readying her spear for action.
“There will be no need, it will be a peaceful transition. Technology can help ponies in any walk of life just as it could easily inflict harm. The trick is to ease change, not force it! It can help one to cook, it may help one find solace-” Cadence, Princess of love, passed an adoring wink to Undyne. “-It may even help somepony find true love.” Undyne’s cheeks grew a light shade of pink as she tried to avert her eyes to the side, puffing out her cheeks as she focused on the sound of chirping birds and her clanging armor to ease the tension. It wasn’t a secret that Cadence knew of Undyne’s intimacy with a particular basement dwelling scientist and her dweeby anime obsessions.
“Then I shall help in this technological transition! I am at your command!”
“-If it is required, then I shall heed your call to arms in such an endeavor.” Princess Cadence tilted her horn, beckoning her bodyguard to follow as her shopping bags shifted. “For now, follow me on this walk and enjoy this uneventful day! I have a few more stops before calling it a day, and I would appreciate it if you give the store an opportunity to let in customers every once in a bluemoon! I was only kidnapped once, Undyne!” And with that, Undyne remained at ease. Princess Cadence waltzed through the crowds of friendly Crystal Ponies who happily went about their day, some of the more loyal of her Countryponies even bowed in her presence. After awhile, Undyne began to lessen her grip on her spear as the sun crept across the sky. Maybe just enjoying an uneventful day wasn’t as boring as she initially thought.
Vroom Vroom
Undyne blinked, stamping her boot into the cobblestone sidewalk with such ferocity it cracked under her steel-plated foot.
“Undyyyne…” Princess Cadence murmured. “Ease yourself! Whatever that was-”
“-Will taste my SPEAR of JUSTICE-”
“They will taste no such thing!”
“Okay… then they will taste my fish-sticks, but they don’t deserve tartar sauce-!”
“Now now now, Undyne! There is no need for such cruelty!”
BROOM BROOM
Princess Cadence whipped her head to the side, her gaze planted firmly on the heavy metal object at the end of the road, barreling toward her at high speed! Her boot heel catching on a crack in the road, the Alicorn gasped as she stumbled back, her bags clattering to the ground as the slick contraption growled in response. Thinking quickly, Princess Cadence steadied her horn, ready to avert the metal beasts direction-”
“NGGAAAAAHHH!!” Undyne Roared with such ferocity it rattled Princess Cadence’s own equilibrium, just as a heavy spear slammed into the hood of the metal beast-
-Followed by another
-And another
-AND ANOTHER
Cadence cried out in horror as spear after spear riddled the beast, it’s front wheel gasping for air as it’s heavy rim locked in place, having been gored through the fender. Sparks and smoke bellowed from the heart of the contraption as it slowed to a crawl, grinding to a halt in a whimper as the engine rattled it’s last before sputtering out one final chortle of life.
Edited
“STOP!!” Princess Cadence shrieked, wings spread wide and her legs haplessly kicking back. “YOU HAVE DONE MORE THEN ENOUGH DAMAGE-!!”
“-IT STILL BREATHES, THIS FOWL BEAST TRIED TO ATTACK YOU-!!” Undyne countered, gesturing to the muffled screaming originating from behind the glass window.
“-IT, is just a vehicle! A contraption!” Cadence furrowed her brow. “Metal and glass! Technology-!”
“-MY CAR!!” A higher, fried pitched voice squealed from ahead of them. His frame contrasting with his own demeanor and tone, the anxiety-ridden Stallion quaked under his snap-back cap as he frantically dug his palms into the back of his head between gesturing to his car in a mournful manner. Peering down, Undyne grimaced at the sight of the contraptions sickly ‘blood’ pooled at their boots, far too sticky and glossy to belong to any beast.
“-The Crystal Empire is allowing vehicles drive down designated streets starting next month!” Princess Cadence explained sternly, before casting a judgmental grimace to the driver. “It seems that a particular pony was a little impatient…” Undyne relaxed her stance, her desire to rip and tear dissipating. However, anger was quick to fill that particular void as she stomped forward, sending the Stallion stumbling back in terror.
“Have you NO SHAME!!? Do you care in the very SLIGHTEST for basic LAW AND ORDER!!?” Undyne Bellowed, rattling the Stallions snap-back.
“I-I was just filming my five million subscriber special-!”
“YOU CARE MORE FOR ARBITRARY NUMBERS THEN YOU DO THE VERY DEITY OF LOVE, PUNK!!?”
“-I mean, they may be inconsequential ten year olds, but they help pay for my rent-Wait, are those gills?!”
“-PAYING FOR RENT!!? WHAT IS YOUR REAL EXCUSE FOR PUTTING LIVES AT RISK!!?”
The Stallion gulped loudly. “…It was a social experiment…?”
Undyne relaxed her grip, Alphys always loved experiments, so that means Undyne loved experiments! Endangering the life of townsfolk and deities aside, we wouldn’t get far as a society without science testing the boundaries of what we know and love, especially if it’s an ancient civilization getting closer to embracing it’s modern neighbors. Whatever his basis was, she was sure he had the outcome he desired.
“…You are off the hook… for now! Next time, follow the rules! Law and Order has been proven to prevent chaos, so HEED It’s conclusion!” Undyne murmured, letting the poor Stallion go as he quietly questioned how he managed to get himself out of getting suplexed. Turning back to face Princess Cadence, Undyne replied to her stern grimace and tapping foot with a smirk.
“Simple Science experiment! Nothing to worry about!” Undyne chortled, sporting a toothy grin.
“-You could have just pulled me aside-”
“-This outcome was more fun! It’s been too long since I threw this many spears!”
Princess Cadence folded her wings, bringing a finger to her brow as she snapped her eyes shut in frustration.
“-I… I can’t believe that worked…” The Stallion whispered, poking the spears now dotting his several hundred thousand bit wreck as he processed the last few minutes over and over again in his head.
“No harm, no foul.” Princess Cadence uttered, breathing in, and then breathing out, extending her hand as she did so. “I suppose there is no harm in being ready for anything-”
“Glad to hear it!” Undyne piped up happily, stomping by as she spun her spear in her hand before slamming back down onto the cobblestone road. “I’ll keep an eye out for any other social experiments and you can continue shopping! Once this is done, we should hit the Griffon BBQ Shack for a much needed post-lunch snack! Trust, it’s super bad for you, that means it’s great!” Princess Cadence grimaced at the oil now sticking to the bottom of her two-thousand bit boots, sighing as the crowd that had gathered began to study the wrecked vehicle in greater detail.
“I hope you are happy to have caused the Crystal Empire’s first car accident!” Princess Cadence snapped, her tone bitter.
“There is a first for everypony!” Undyne the Undying laughed up her signature storm as she stomped forward. Princess Cadence huffed, utilizing her breathing skill once more as the crowd began to murmur amongst themselves, their attention turning from the wreck to the contents of her shopping bags.
More importantly, the many pairs of panties that now lay in plain sight for all the world to see.
Princess Cadence’s cheeks grew an intense red as she folded her arms, trying her best to put on a forced smile.
“Well… it’s not like it is a well kept secret or anything…” Princess Cadence declared, placing a boot over a certain pair to keep it out of the spotlight. She was going to need more legs for this.
“I LIKE THESE UNEVENTFUL DAY’S!! WE SHOULD DO THIS AGAIN TOMORROW!!” Undyne chortled, much to Princess Cadence’s displeasure.
“Ask, and you shall receive.” Princess Cadence murmured, breathing in and out once more as a camera flash caught her off guard.