Sheltering Hooves sat down at the table, along with her husbands Philia Agape Armet and Minstrel Custard. She took a deep breath and looked at the mare sitting across from them. Today was the day they all dreaded most: parent-teacher conference day.
 
Honeycrisp gazed at the three with a stern yet calm expression. She didn’t like these conferences any more than they did, but over the course of her career she had learned to just get them over with. Shuffling a folder of papers, she began. “So, Ah’ve heard some real questionable stuff about y’all three…”
 
“Oh my! Do tell!” Shelter chuckled. Phil cocked an eyebrow at Honey, waiting for her to go on as Minstrel struggled to stifle his laughter.
 
“Well,” Honey pulled out a paper from her folder. “Ah don’t teach high school, but Ah’ve heard from the board that yer eldest wrote a paper n’ presented a slideshow on changeling mating habits fer her senior project. Complete with some mighty…explicit pictures of y’all three plus the princess and her consort. She says it’s fer ‘research purposes’ but…”
 
Phil cleared his throat, slightly nervous. “Did she inform anypony where she acquired these photos?”
 
“No. That’s for Y’ALL to answer.” Honeycrisp took a deep breath, struggling to keep her temper in check as she pulled out another set of pictures. “Last week yer son, who’s in mah class, did a project about ‘The Macdonald Triad’, ‘Homicide’, n’ ‘Lesser Evil’. N’ yesterday Pixie brought in some mighty weird straps and whips fer a presentation, sayin’ Momma, Papa, and Daddy used ‘em all the time…care ta give an explanation?”
 
Shelter began to sweat, but she cleared her throat and answered in a shaking voice. “W-well, you see, the Macdonald Triad is a set of three behavioral characteristics that has been suggested, if all three or any combination of two, are present together, to be predictive of or associated with later violent tendencies, particularly with relation to serial offenses! So…Mousey was merely citing my taxidermy job as a…” She looked around the room nervously, struggling to finish her sentence.
 
Minstrel piped in bluntly. “Do you know what BDSM is?” Phil glared at him intensely from across the table before he could finish.
 
“Hm,” Honey mentally took note of their reactions. “Well, under normal Equestrian law this kinda upbringing ain’t normal. Ah’m legally required ta call FPS on y’all…”
 
Phil tensed and growled quietly. “No you won’t.”
 
Shelter gasped. “What do you mean? THIS kind of upbringing?”
 
Honey winced. She never liked threatening legal action against parents, especially knowing that the three before her adored their kids in their own way. But she held firm to her legal obligations. “Well…the intensive sex ed, murder and criminal activity, and exposure to such…mature topics…this just ain’t stuff a foal is developmentally ready to know about, let alone grow up with.”
 
Minstrel huffed indignantly. “Well we apologize for not sheltering our foals from the real world!”
 
Shelter looked towards her husband, then back at Honey. “I don’t normally say this but I agree with Misntrel, how has any of this had a negative effect on our foals?”
 
Honey pulled out a psychology textbook and flipped through the pages. “Well, foal development research has shown…”
 
Fed up with her lecturing, Phil stood up before Honey could finish. “We aren’t allowing our children to participate in such activities, are we? We try to keep our personal lives private; it’s not our fault they’re smart enough to learn these things on their own. This is knowledge that the educational system doesn’t have the ability to teach, knowledge that comes innately. So if you think we’re poor parents then you’ll have to answer to me.”
 
Shelter and Minstrel looked at Phil and each other with an astonished look on their faces. They then smirked looked towards Honey, who had just gotten ROASTED. Minstrel stopped his spouses from doing anything else. “Wait a moment, I want to hear her finish.”
 
Honey stammered, nearly at a loss for words. “Uh…well…just keep ‘em safe. We’re just lookin out for their safety here, is all! Just know that if Ah hear anything suspicious ah WILL take action!”
 
“I’d like to see your pathetic attempts at doing such a thing.” Phil got up and began walking towards the door.
 
Shelter followed suit and walked out after her husbands, fluttering her eyelashes at Honey. “Trust me, we take our gifted foal’s safety VERY seriously.”