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Description
Ep 2:
Flurry Heart is using her magic to hold up a picture in front of her as she flies. It’s a photo depicting the original Mane 6–years younger–all together in Ponyville.
FLURRY: I just know Ponyville’s the place. That’s where Auntie Twi met Aunt Pinkie, Rarity, Dashie, Applejack, and Fluttershy. All her bestest friends!
(She sees Ponyville ahead of her.)
There it is!
She swoops down and lands on a busy street corner, various ponies and other creatures going about their day arond her. She smiled and skips along as she makes her way down the street.
FLURRY: Wow, this place has gotten a lot busier than Aunt Twi’s stories suggested. I don’t even know where to go first!
(Her stomach growls.)
Right, breakfast. Breakfast first. Oh! What is that amazing smell?!
She follows her nose to the source; Ponyville’s own Sugarcube Corner and the newly-opened Enchanted Eatery across from it.
FLURRY: Mmm…both smell so good. Lemme think…Sugarcube Corner? Enchanted Eatery? Sugarcube Corner? Enchanted Eatery? Sugarcube Corner…
Just then, the door to Sugarcube Corner swings open as a customer exits, and Flurry catches a brief glance at the pony sitting at the counter inside, Pound Cake.
FLURRY: No way!
(She races inside.)
Wheeee!
Pound Cake is dozing, his hooves resting on the counter while his head hangs and he snores ever so slightly. Flurry rings the service bell and he startles awake.
POUNDS: Wh-what?
FLURRY: Pound Cake, it’s me!
POUNDS: Hey…you…I’m sorry, who are you?
FLURRY: It’s me, Flurry Heart!
POUNDS: Right, you’re that princess.
FLURRY: We used to hang out all the time when we were foals.
She uses her magic to lift up a strip of photos; all depicting Flurry, Pumpkin Cake, and Pound Cake as kids. The first one shows Flurry and Pounds hovering above Pumpkin while she stares up at them, the second shows Flurry lifting Pumpkin with her magic while Pounds hovers beside them, and the third shows them all playing with their toys together.
POUNDS: You keep those pictures on you?
FLURRY: Sure! I keep pics of all my friends on me.
POUNDS: I don’t think I’ve seen you in over a decade.
From off screen, Pumpkin’s voice calls.
PUMPKIN (off-screen): Pounds, I’m coming down with the next order!
FLURRY: Is that Pumpkin Cake?!
(She turns toward her.)
Pumpkin Cake! Hi! Hi! Pumpkin Cake!
She sprints over to her, causing the cake Pumpkin had been juggling in one hoof to crash to the ground.
FLURRY: Oh no, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.
Pumpkin sighs.
PUMPKIN: It’s okay, I always drop the orders.
FLURRY embraces her in a sudden hug.
FLURRY: ME TOO! I mean, not cake specifically, but I can be really clumsy. My Aunt Twi says I’m like a herd of Pinkie clones pretending to be Wonderbolts!
Pounds walks out from behind the counter and over to Flurry and Pumpkin.
POUNDS: Kinnie, you can use your magic. Our parents aren’t home.
PUMPKIN: Ooh, right.
She uses her magic to lift the spilled cake off the ground and drop it in the trash can.
FLURRY: Wait, why weren’t you using your magic earlier?
Pumpkin sighs and walks over to the window, where the Enchanted Eatery can be seen across the street.
PUMPKIN: Things haven’t been great in Sugarcube Corner lately. Ever since the Enchanted Eatery opened up, we’ve lost a ton of customers.
FLURRY: But what’s that got to do with magic?
POUNDS: The Enchanted Eatery’s run by unicorns. Talented unicorns. And since our parents are Earth Ponies, magical cakes in the blink of an eye kinda got us beat.
PUMPKIN: And ever since Mom and Dad started seeing magic as a threat, they’ve been treating me…differently. They would never say it, and I know they don’t really mean to do it, but I know what they’re thinking. So, I don’t use my magic around them. It’s easier that way, I shouldn’t have been a unicorn, anyway.
FLURRY: But that’s wrong! Your magic’s a part of you, and it’s a wonderful thing.
(She makes a sudden, loud gasp.)
You know what this is?! This is a total friendship problem! If my Aunt Twilight knew about this, she’d do anything she could to–
POUNDS: We know.
FLURRY: Then why hadn’t anyone told her anything?
PUMPKIN: Listen, Filly Heart–
FLURRY: Flurry Heart.
PUMPKIN: Sorry. We know the princess would do anything for us, but we can’t ask her to put her duties aside for just one small town.
FLURRY: But this isn’t just one small town, this is Ponyville! A magical place of friendship and…schools of friendship. This is her favorite place in the world! Trust me.
Flashback. Twilight has dressed a young filly Flurry head-to-hoof in Ponyville merch. She whips out a camera.
TWILIGHT: Say cheese!
(She takes a look at the photo.)
Perfect shot. SPIKE, BRING FLURRY’S PONYVILLE SCRAPBOOK!
Cut back.
FLURRY: I have fifteen baseball caps that say “Sweet Home, Ponyville” on them and I have neither a birth nor residence affiliation with this place. We gotta tell her!
POUNDS: Sorry, Flurry, but this is just the way things are, we’ve accepted the roles we’re supposed to play. Pumpkin doesn’t use her magic, and I pretend I don’t notice my cutie mark.
FLURRY: Your cutie mark…?
(She moves in closer to see it.)
A lightning bolt and a cloud? That must mean you’re a really good flier!
PUMPKIN: He’s pretty great. He was partially trained by Rainbow Dash, along with the other neighboring pegasi that stepped up since flying isn’t in our parents expertise. They actually told Mom and Dad to enroll him in the academy, but they needed him to stay here and help with the shop.
POUNDS: Yup, so it’s cakes instead of clouds for me. I haven’t even been to Cloudsdale.
FLURRY: I haven’t been to Cloudsdale, either.
(She realizes.)
I haven’t been to Cloudsdale, either!
(She squeaks excitedly and hovers in place.)
SQUEEEE! We should go! We should so totally all go!
PUMPKIN: To Cloudsdale? But we need to run the shop.
FLURRY: Oh, you can just tell your parents you’ve been sent on an important friendship mission by the Princess of…something, I’m still figuring it out. Hey, maybe this is what I’m supposed to do in life! Take ponies to the places they’re meant to be! No, that’s probably not it but this will still be fun. Let’s go!
PUMPKIN: Uhh…how exactly would I get to Cloudsdale?
FLURRY: Like this!
Flurry sweeps Pumpkin up with her magic and bounds out the door into the sky.
PUMPKIN: AHHH! How are you doing this?!
FLURRY: Oh, it’s a simple spell. I’m not really that into studying them but I was still raised by Twilight Sparkle!
POUNDS (calling out): Flurry! Get back here! You barely even know us! FLURRY HEART!
With a groan, he rolls his eyes and takes off after her.
~STARRING~
Princess Flurry Heart: The daughter of the late Princess Cadance and Shining Armor and Princess Twilight Sparkle’s niece. An Alicorn.
Pound Cake: The son of Mr. and Mrs. Cake and Pumpkin Cake’s brother. A pegasus.
Pumpkin Cake The daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Cake and Pound Cake’s sister. A unicorn.
Part 2, y’all! Featuring Flurry’s face of extreme excitement when she realizes she can take the Cakes to Cloudsdale, and Pumpkin staring at the camera with concern.
Also, Pound Cake’s nickname is Pounds sort of like how “Phoebs” is short for Phoebe. I thought it was kinda awk to just refer to him by Pound. “Hey, Pound.” I don’t know, it’s a personal preference.
Kinnie is, of course, a nickname for “Pumpkin”, but pretty much only her brother calls her that.
Kinnie is, of course, a nickname for “Pumpkin”, but pretty much only her brother calls her that.
Cute story btw. I do have some grievances, especially when it comes to Flurry, but I’ll withhold them as less about your writing skills and narrative, and more to do with the canon character itself.
Overall it’s a good start for a fanfic. Good pacing, interesting premise and shows a passage of time has passed and that happiness doesn’t last forever in the magical land of ponies.
I rate this 7/10 for the pilot.
Looking forward to seeing this continue.