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Description
Commission i paid for, for a scenery image featuring the ship in Chapter 12 of my fic titled “Vessel of the Dead”.
The RMS Celestia is a giant iron made oceanliner built during the war. The giant white ship was to help with moral for the civilians but its true purpose was to ferry ponies to safe lands outside Equestria.
The RMS Celestia is a giant iron made oceanliner built during the war. The giant white ship was to help with moral for the civilians but its true purpose was to ferry ponies to safe lands outside Equestria.
Спасибо! :)
If you can find something to translate the story, you can find the whole thing on FimFiction.net but i must warn you, it is RAW so it is unedited.
А. Я не читал Broken Steel. На русский язык не переведен. :)
This is the RMS Celestia, not the HMS Celestia. Also, Project Horizons and Broken Steel are two different stories.
На рисунке на корабле видна надпись “Celestia”. А в FoE это был линкор. Он произвел залп по Стадиону, затем BJ с помощью причуды (Так тот пистолет назывался, что серебряными пулями стрелял?) взорвала погреб и линкор затонул.
It is a Oceanliner, not a Battleship
the ship is based on Titanic’s class of ship.
I really don’t care how bad the story is (haven’t read it) or how many valid points you bring up, you are being a bit of a jerk. If the story’s shit, by all means criticize, but people tend to listen to you more when you’re polite about it, and actually take your valid arguments at face value. But disregard that, why make any effort to actually try to convince someone when you can take a perfectly decent argument, coat it in vitriol, and make sure that nobody takes you seriously or wants to associate with you.
Well the only way to get better is to keep practicing.
Thank you for those words that meant a lot.
I know I’m not great, like I told the other guy I didn’t do well in my English GCSE as I got an E grade which is pretty low and never had story writing lessons.
It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about not being dicks to each other no matter how much we may disagree. Your post will stay this time, mostly because it is largely constructive by virtue of having actual specific reasons given for what you have a problem with, despite the negative tone.
Okay, first off I only read a few chapters of Broken Steel before lack of time and other stories distracted me from it.
@Background Pony #AFC3 I’ll admit I see where you’re coming from on some of your points and even agree to a degree. That said, unless someone is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to read it, you have no one to blame but yourself for continuing. Furthermore no matter how bad a story is, there’s no need to be a dick about it and you seem to have confused “constructive criticism” with “personal attack on the author.” In the future I suggest you simply ignore it and then everyone will be that much happier.
@Appletart I’m in kind of an awkward position here because I loved the concept of your story but couldn’t enjoy the execution. There’s the makings of a really great story in there and to be honest I’m kind of a sucker for crossovers, the more the merrier. Unfortunately it shows that you’re not an experienced writer. Leaving aside the spelling and grammar mistakes, the dialog comes across as stilted and the whole thing is heavy on exposition (the rule of “show, don’t tell” applies to printed media as well as visual). With that in mind, Broken Steel is far far from the worst fanfiction I’ve read. The ideas you had for the story were great. The juxtaposition of a pregnant Steel Ranger still blows my mind every time I think about it. And most of all you’re writing what you enjoy and that shows. I think you have the potential to be a great writer. Don’t let critics get you down.
Simple, i loved the Tiberium Series, until EA fucked it up with C&C4…, and I always liked the idea of humans being forced from Earth due to the infection. It just seemed a good idea to me.
If it was to be based on the Alien Spaceship encounter (which, I might add, had already been done with Homage in the original), why was it necessary to bring in a crossover with C&C?
You are very hateful, keep your trap shut in the future cause it just causes problems. For your information I don’t rip people off as i get that a lot done to me with my MS Paint drawn ships, Titanic in particular. The similarities are a coincidence.
Appletart is a wastelander, not a Stable Dweller, she was born in one but was still just a child when she left and spent the most of her life out in the wasteland under the Steel Rangers so she’s more wastelander than stable dweller.
There was no need to add humans to the story and the crash of the GDCS Kodiak II is a reference from Fallout 3’s Alien Encounter where the ship explodes in the sky and you get an uber gun…, in Appletart’s case the ship crashes mostly intact letting her go inside, get an idea of the people that built it, get a new gun then scarper when its about to go BOOM which it did leaving the ship nothing more than a pile of twisted metal and scattering the rest of it all across Equestria from the force of its two Ion Reactors exploding.
The pre-war super weapon had nothign at all to do with PH. I had always envisioned a giant killing machine for my fic inspired by the CORE Krogoth (also named after said unit) which was an all powerful unit which in the game was almost an endgamer because of its insane armour and weapons and my Krogoth was also based on C&C Tiberian Sun’s GDI Mammoth MKII as it was thee best walker unit ever in C&C and to top it off the machine was made to look like a Steel Ranger.
Appletart is NOT an alicorn, giving her wings does not make her an Alicorn, what NO ONE seems to understand is that an Alicorn is a combination of ALL THREE PONY RACES, Appletart is only Unicorn and Pegaus after her mutation, she has NO EARTH PONY qualities so she can’t be called an Alicorn because she lacks that aspect plus, she isn’t immortal, is still an albino (otherwise she would have turned blue, green or purple) and does not possess the extreme magical well of an Alicorn.
Forgive me for my poor writing skills. I’m British so I’m using BRITISH spelling. Broken Steel is my first story i’ve ever been serious in writing. I’ve never wrote a story before. I did poorly in my English GCSE as I got an E grade and I’ve never had any story writing lessons. So i’m sorry if my writing skill does not meet your super high smegging standards…
Okay then.
The story is tripe on a bike, what with the main character’s pregnancy bestowing total Plot Armor throughout the story. Spelling and grammar errors pop up here and there like pustules on a teenager’s mug. And, of course, much of the plot is a straight port of Project Horizons, right down to the old pre-war military project.
The only reason I read this story is that I suspected there might be some bits in there that might appeal to my fetish, and while I did find some bits that managed to get my pants down, I only found them after slogging through pages of pages of tripe-on-a-bike story. What’s sad is that the fetish bits are the only thing it does well. Once Tart gave birth, there’s no reason to continue unless if you have a fetish for angsty space marines chasing after giant robots.
The story also attempts to bring in a crossover with Command & Conquer, of all things, and generally speaking, bringing humans into a pony fanfiction is considered taboo. But here’s how it plays out. A GDI spaceship crashes, Tart goes in, listens to an audio log, gets a gun and leaves. From then on, it’s only tangentially related to the story at all.
I did push on after the birth, using it as a brain-bleach session after reading one of the latest PH chapters, but it turned out I was bleaching my brain with hydrochloric acid. You see, at that point, the “abandon story” warning lights that should’ve activated long ago started to flash.
The first light went on when Tart somehow managed to walk into an uber-beartrap that required her to chop off her leg and replace it with a prosthetic limb. Upon receiving the robo-leg, she started to whinge about no longer being a pony due to cyber-augmentation. Suck it up, lady! It’s just a new leg. You’re not Adam fucking Jensen.
The second light flared when Tart was sent to a straight port of Vault 22. I understand this is Fallout: Equestria, but copy/pasting locations from Fallout without the slightest of changes is just lazy. The same goes for the Vault 108 copy earlier in the story.
The third and final warning was when Tart accidentally drank Tainted water and sprouted wings literally overnight. Then the story goes on to explain that “No no no! She’s not an alicorn! The Taint just fucked with her genes so that her recessive pegasus genes became dominant!” That was when I threw my hands up and stopped right there. It’s bad enough that the story shamelessly brings in elements from PH that we’d rather forget, like Sanguine or EC-1101, but a half-assed explanation like that is on par with calling The Stork a perfectly reasonable explanation for childbirth. The Impelled Metamorphosis Potion does NOT work that way.
And to the moderator staff, if you’re uncomfortable with my criticism, perhaps you’d like to have a look at the story yourself and tell me if I’m not wrong.
I’m often told that :)
@Appletart
Now THAT is a lot of ghouls.
That’ll actually happen if someone disturbs the 3000 ghouls inside that ship. You better be ready to run like hell though :p
FoE and PH had inspired me to do my own fic. That’s all they’ve done, inspired me. I would never steal or rip off other people’s work. I’ve had my own fic and my MS Paint drawn Titanic and other ships ripped off so why would i do it to others?