@Background Pony #E2C1
Somepony already submitted this to the /r/EeveePasta hall of fame.

Contrary to popular belief, Vaporeon was never compatible for breeding with humans at all. Far from it. For starters, most of them male, 87.5% male to be exact, and they’re not even in the Human-Like egg group anyway. Not only that, but the copypasta diluted the truth about Vaporeon’s abilities, hence why I will now set the record straight. Hydration only works when it’s raining and Water Absorb, which has a darker nature that I will get to talk about soon, doesn’t mean your Vaporeon will turn white after you “pull out.” I know this because I cleaned sperm bank toilets a long time ago. Also, what wasn’t mentioned is that Vaporeon can control water easily, meaning that Vaporeon can perfectly utilize the water it can control to enter a person’s orifices until they explode. Vaporeon’s biology allows it to defeat its opponent by entering any human orifice effortlessly, like the candiru fish, with it eventually making its way to the human’s lungs until the human succumbed to dry drowning or have those very same lungs rupture, letting the Vaporeon exit the newly created cadaver easily. Now here is the disturbing truth about Water Absorb. Since human bodies are 65% water, a Vaporeon that’s inside a human body could potentially absorb the water in said body until the poor human was nothing more than a shriveled corpse. Also, if a Vaporeon rematerialized while it was inside your urethra, your penis would be sent to the Distortion World instantly. Its ability to control water also includes creating Kyogre-like tsunamis that can level cities easily, and with moves like Scald, Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, Hyper Beam, and Body Slam, Vaporeon has so many ways to end you that it should be reclassified to the “Assassin Pokémon.” It can also learn Detect and Toxic too, so don’t explore that “deep sea cave” for “treasure.” As for the moves that it can use to make itself more “horny,” the thing is that the rest of Vaporeon’s kin can also learn those moves too, with Leafeon, Glaceon, and Umbreon having higher defense stats that would blow Vaporeon out of the water any day of the week. Acid Armor won’t even change that. Also, the NSFW crowd loves Umbreon and Sylveon more than Vaporeon.

@🐴
Write a rebuttal to the copypasta? I got you covered.

@Background Pony #08A8
We need to work to change that.

@Background Human
umbreon and sylveon have more nsfw content online than vaporeon does

Amazing 💖

WOW，还有闪光！

Glimmeon and Trixeon

hey guys did you know in terms of water based pokemon Vaporeon is the most ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………cool :)

@Just Wayne
Trixie has been through a lot. She’d appreciate the high HP and Sp.Def.

It’s an honor to be a Vaporeon y’know.

Because of their good stats and movesets, not the other thing!

@Background Human
YES, WE ALL KNEW.

Okey that’s clever as is it cute^^

AT this point I would be surprised if anyone WOULDN’T KNOW

HEY GUYS, DID YOU KNOW

I was not expecting a shiny Vaporeon, but I’ll take it!