Applejack was having another pleasant dream in my Equestria dreamscape. It was a perfect springtime day at her dream version of Sweet Apple Acres; not too warm or cool with just right number of white puffy clouds to make the cobalt blue sky interesting to look at.
The mare had just finished taking a fresh apple pie out of the oven and had placed it on a cooling rack near one of the kitchen windows when there was a series of fast, sharp, knocks that sounded like they were coming from the front door. Then the earth pony heard them again, but they didn’t sound like a hoof knocking on the door; they were sharper and much faster than a pony could strike the doorknocker. Confused AJ set out to discover the origin of the sound.
The knocks repeated several times before AJ could reach the front door. “I’m a comin! I’m a comin! Hold yer horses!” The mare called out as she trotted up to the door and opened it.
Much to her surprise there was nopony waiting on the porch? She looked to her left and saw nothing on the farmers porch, but upon turning her head to the right she was suddenly confronted by woodpecker clinging to the door frame at eye level. Applejack had seen woodpeckers like this type in the forests around the farm for years. they were called a Downy Speckled Chested Sapsucker, or something like that.
Except they usually didn’t wear flat caps of dark brown or vests made of a dark green leather. For several seconds they stared at each other before AJ finally spoke.
“Um, hello?”
The bird tilted its head several times to look at her before it suddenly began speaking with a heavy accent. “Oi! Yu Applejack? If nut du yu know where I can find da dame? I gut message fer her!”
“Uh….that would be me.” Said the yellow-orange mare.
“Great! Pleeze ta meetcha! I’m Pittsburgh Percussive, and I’ve gut dis message frum King Trafalgar fella fer ya! Let me git out and–”
The woodpecker suddenly stopped and started tilting his head as if he was listening. In the distance AJ could hear the knocking sound of another woodpecker. Pittsburgh groaned and rolled his eyes.
“Great! Now da the stupid pigeon gits back ta me! Pardun me babe! Dis will take just a second!”
The woodpecker then proceeded to start tapping away a quick series of long and short taps on the doorframe. AJ now noticed that there was now numerous peck marks in the wood and paint of the doorframe. The mare frowned at the bird as it continued its destructive concussive behavior.
Finally bird finished and resumed speaking to AJ. “There! That’s dun! Now! Da message!” The bird suddenly flew over to a bench sitting on the porch and proceeded to pull a folded piece of paper from a vest pocket. Over the next few seconds the unfolded. Finally they had that accomplished, and after a few seconds of scanning the woodpecker sighed.
“Oi! This feller gut a thing fer big wurds! Well here we gu! Greetings and salluonions my fair Applejack.” Pittsburgh tilted his head and looked AJ up and down. “Hmm. I think that’s a fair assessment uf yu babe. Now. Where wuz I? Uh! Right! I hope dis message finds yu in good health and in the da finest uf spirits. Geez dude! Spit it out befer dis dame dies frum old age!”
The woodpecker continued reading. “It’s my sincerest hupe dat yer available dis Tuesday night fer anuther uf r nucturnal randydeeviews!” Buddy! Did yer mum git a thesaurus fer yer birthday ur sumthin! Anyways. Where wuz I? Ah! If yer available pleeze cunvey yer reply to this fine messenger. Blah, blah yers truly. Trafalgar.”
Pittsburgh then quickly folded up paper back up and stuffed it in his vest. All the while ignoring AJ who was looking down at the bird with a frown on her face. “So babe. Wutz yer reply?
The Element of Honesty closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Please tell the king I look forward ta gitting tagether with him this Tuesday.”
The woodpecker nodded his head and then flew up and latched onto one of the wooden posts holding the balcony of the front porch up. Pittsburgh raised his head and prepared to start tapping his reply when AJ spoke up.
“And ya can send yer reply from dat tree over there!” The mare pointed at a nearby tree with a front hoof. “Now. No more wreckin my place!”
“Sure! Whatever babe! Geez! I just du my jub and git is all kinds of grief! I’ll send yer message frum there! See yu later sweet cheeks!” Then the woodpecker flew off to a nearby tree and started typing away his reply. AJ watched them fly off and them muttered.
“The parrot was much nicer.”

To be continued.