You find a pitch black fedora, though it looks more like a bowler hat. Perhaps is a combination of both, which would make it easily identifiable, suitable for a Dignatary.  
You are now the Drifting Dasher, you are calm and analyzing. You like to take things easy, slow but effective. Afterall, no need to yell, or cause big dramatic entrances when you can simply sneak out to the back of your enemies and club them on the head efficiently.  
You are, along with Spicy Sappling and Caring Descant, a member of the Midnight Crusaders. A gang of criminals that is currently wanted, in a war with a rival band, and
 
These hats are starting to get to you.
 
The hat did give you a +10 bonus on smoothness, and the ability to use the Red Miles, for some reason. It could be useful, no one escapes the Miles.
 
You proceed to take it off and put it back in the seamingly infinite entrails of the box.  
4/???? Hats tried.