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(Transcript taken from Director SATURN’s office, Department of Inter-Dimensional Relations, Foreign Office Building, Royal Palace, Canterlot.)
Mr. AFTER EIGHT, director of the Ask Princess Britannia [formely Ask Britannia] tumblr blog has been asked to see his superior, Dept. Head, SATURN. He suspects he is about to be fired.
<Paper rustling>
<Knock, knock>
S: “Enter…Ah, Eight, take a seat, dear colt.”
AE: “Miss Eccentric said you wanted to see me, Sir.”
S: “Yes, indeed. Been very curious about what you’ve done with the change of direction on the Ask Britty blog.”
AE: “I wouldn’t call her that sir, I gather she doesn’t appreciate that nick-name.”
S: “Oh I know She didn’t. Case in point for why I’m somewhat glad we’ve left her to it. Can’t be doing with such prissiness. ‘Her Royal Highness’ however? Well I’m sure she wouldn’t be so stuck up to allow us to use a little pet-name. We do pay her wage, after all.”
AE: “And quite considerable it is too, Sir. We had to take a lot out of the scenery budget to afford her.”
S: “Worth it for a mare like her though, I mean <whistle> Not the point of a family-friendly convention of course to be bothered about the eye-candy but you can’t knock the benefits, am I right?”
AE: “Er…wouldn’t know, sir, not really my-”
S: “It’s the story, after all, that’s the important thing. I mean, it doesn’t matter what you have, it’s what you do with it. What you are doing with it in this case.”
AE: “…Oh?…er…<cough> What do you mean sir?”
S: “Now, don’t get me wrong, I know how you creative types can be when you get a vision in your heads. has to be perfect, has to conform with your grand plan. And sometimes you tend to…how should I put it?…Forget how it works in the grand scheme of things. How others see it. Am I right?”
AE: “It…can happen, yes. I mean critique and audience input do help to purify and channel a vision into something everypony can enjoy-”
S: “And sometimes it can be especially difficult if a change happens that you didn’t plan, that is completely at odds with how you saw the original project. Something like, Oh, I don’t know, an audience interactive blogumentary about a member of the Equestrian Security Service being changed into a daily comic ask-blog about an Alicorn Princess…just as an example.
AE: “Ah. That would be…quite a shift to lay on a pony at short notice, yes, sir.”
S: “And I must say, after viewing your recent output since such a change has being put into effect, that I am astounded, Mr. Eight. Now, I know you didn’t like this change, I could tell, I’m good at reading ponies. S’why I have this job. And I know that such a change can bring out a degree of… stubbornness in artists such as yourself, for you are an artist, I can see that, even if all you seem to do down there is flip through clip-boards.
AE: “A crude summary, sir. But if I-”
S: “Don’t interrupt, please. You can have your say after, After, <Heh> No, sometimes an artist can feel that their own particular vision took such great precedence at the expense of others that they let this bad feeling seep into their work. Maybe they let the quality drop, the writing get clumsy, maybe even hide veiled insults in the end product.”
AE: “…Um…”
S: “It’s almost as if they don’t want the job any more and instead of telling somepony they don’t and tendering their resignation like a sensible pony they act like a spoiled foal and break the toys they’ve been given to play with in an effort to get fired…I mean, what would be the point of that? It’s hardly very nice to the ponies who have been paying their wage and to whom they have a written agreement with. It’s like a breach of trust, wouldn’t you say, Mr. Eight?”
AE: “I…yes, I suppose it is.”
S: “But I suppose that’s just the way of some ponies, no consideration for others. The original sin of our species, as it were. Which is why, Mr. Eight, it falls to me to inform you that-”
AE: <Whispered> Here it comes.
S: “-I am very proud of the fact that you haven’t stooped to such tactics and have remained a consummate professional. Heck it seems you’ve even done better than what you originally set out to do!”
AE: “…lolwut?”
S: “Pardon me?”
AE; “Sorry, internt speak, I’ve been spending too much time…I mean, do you mind clarifying for me, sir?”
S: “Well, I just wanted to tell you how impressed I am with what you’re doing. You’ve far surpassed your previous scale for updates, you’re answering plenty of questions, people really seem to love the character. She’s not as wordy, she certainly smiles more and you can’t knock the charisma a crown has…heck I bet you could just have her drinking a juice box and people would go crazy over her. The recent message I had from BUCK has been extremely positve. ’Hilarious’ they called it and we both know how much the Brits value their sense of humour.”
AE: “it’s a subtle art as far as I can tell, Sir. But, I’m sorry, you…you actually like the end product?”
S: “Of course. I think you have her character spot on. And the rise in followers since you introduced her tells me you’re doing something right.”
AE: “R…really?”
S: “See, I knew when we took you on you’d be a great asset for interdimensional relations, After Eight. The bonds you’re helping to create between us and this particular niche of human society are growing stronger by the moment.”
AE: “Well…when you put it like that I…I’m lost for words, Sir.”
S: “You could always smile? I know you’re not a smiley pony but a little grin wouldn’t hurt. It’s good news! You’re doing well.”
AE: “…If you say so, Sir.”
S: “I do say so. Honestly, the look on your face when you stepped in the office you looked as if you were on your way to the dungeons or something.”
AE: “Well, Miss Eccentric did say you were annoyed and I assumed it was-”
S: “Over you? Last thing in the world, dear colt. No had a visit from one of the Princess’s guards. Big mare, built like an iceberg, Private Popsicle or something. Demanding we put an end to ’Princess Britannia’ as if she has any right to interfere in our affairs. I tell you, good riddance to dealing with that side of things. Guards shouldn’t be in front of the camera, Mr. Eight. They should be in the background, doing their job.
AE: ”…I suppose they should, Sir. If what you’re telling me is right.“
S: “No, I have complete faith for you and your team. If I may offer one teensy bit of critique, though. Maybe you could have Her Highness doing a little more than just sitting down. Maybe have her flying or walking around her palace, you know?”
AE: “I…We’ll see what we can do. budget may be a bit tight, though Sir.”
S: “Hmmmm, well I’m sure if I can give the accountants a little motivation to send some bits your way. I think these follower numbers can convince them in some way, Eight <Heh Heh> I tell you, should have done this idea from the start.
AE: “Clearly.”
S: “One more thing. these meme things seem to be rather popular. Why don’t you see if you can’t fit some of those in. Not obnoxiously, you understand. Subtly. We’re a classy operation after all.”
AE: “I’ll see what I can do.”
S: “And the song. Why did you decide to cut it? I rather liked it, very jaunty.”
AE: “it….the software’s broken…waiting for the engineers to fix it.”
S: “Shame…well as soon as it’s fixed I want ’Rule Britannia’ blaring out every time that page is opened, understand. Maybe some other little patriotic ditties…and maybe some of those pixel ponies running all over it, they’re cute. Oh, and muffins, she should have a plate of muffins. For some reason Bronies like the idea of muffins…Wait, I’ll get you a pen and paper…this stuff is pure gold.”
AE: “…Yes, Sir.”
(Transcript ends here)
(Transcript taken from SKETCHY SOUNDS)
SS: “Hmmm, After Eight was right, this is harder than you’d think and dear Princess Celestia, she looks the biz but she can’t act to save her-
<Door slam & the sound of plodding hooves>
SS: Oh, hey, dude, you’re back! You ok? How’d the meeting go?”
AE: “I…I’m still not sure really.”
SS: “So…are you still with us?…Is Britannia coming back?”
AE: “In real life? How should I know? But as far as the tumblr’s concerned. Sigh Nope. It’s Princess Britannia from here on out. And they still want me to write her.”
SS: “…Well that’s a small blessing at least. I tried to do the stuff within the guidelines but…I don’t know, she just seems so slapped together still. As if the ponies who came up with the concept don’t know what they’re doing. Just slap some British stuff on a Princess and there you go. I mean there should be more to her than just a crown and a flag that makes your eyes hurt.”
AE: “I suppose we’ll have to work out what that is then, won’t we? Maybe the tumblr will help? I gather there are characters people do ask blogs about that really only come into their own through public interaction. Oh, Saturn gave us some suggestions, by the way <Heavy Thud> A lot of suggestions*
SS: That’s a big checklist…By the way, I don’t suppose you have a copy of that code question we got. People are asking after it.
AE: The numbers? But, they were nonsense.”
SS: “I thought it was the other end of the treasure hunt? You know, the one we got ages back before all this went off?”
AE: “No, we had somepony run it through a decryptor, it just translated back into the key again.”
SS: “But…that makes no sense. Who would do that?”
AE: “Uggh, some troll no doubt. Who cares. It’s done. No more codes, no more clues, no more hidden meaning. Just us and Her Highness.”
(Transcript ends)
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