@Background Pony #DA1B

JESUS CHRIST SPIKE, CALM DOWN!

@pia-chan  
I will fite you this here is the good shit

@Hoofies  

 
Likewise

@pia-chan  
Dont call it bad, or i will punch the horny out of you!
 
This here, this is art!

You fucked up… dont mess with the freaking dragon boy!

I’m just happy two of my favorite artists/producers are still around and still enjoying creating this. I know I enjoy this; always looking forward to the latest. To be honest, I was a little worried because seeing over 50 comments for an image usually means there’s an argument and it generally leads to an extended or rarely an indefinite absence to the point it’s abandoned. I just hope this isn’t the beginning of the end because tempers flared…

@pia-chan
 
@theffb  
Don’t mind me, I’m just here enjoying the anime references and the complimentary fanservice

@theffb  

 
You know the art is terrible too xD

@pia-chan  
Hey, it’s not THAT badly written XD

Wow 56 comments for a fan made bad written story… Not bad at all. XD

@theffb  
Ay, thank you for taking this well and giving response as well. I won’t be making quite as large of a text in response but I appreciate hearing that you’ve taken things said into account. I obviously don’t want to shift the gears of your story entirely, just point out places I think things were to be done better. I see your points as well and things perhaps could’ve been worded better on my end but I see my ultimate point was understood.
 
So thank you for taking this critique with maturity, it’s surprisingly rare to see.

Spike marking what belongs to him.

@Background Pony #DA1B  
Hey Anon, shame I can’t see who you really are.
 
Since you took the time to write a rather hefty chunk of text. I’ll give ya a response.
 
First of all, this series isn’t anywhere near 520 pages (God I wish it was that much) but about half of that, a lot of the other makeup is the NSFW stuff, side stories, and fan art/creations but that’s beside the point. Personally, I’d recommend reading it in its entirety before making any sort of critique because I fear you may have missed a few points. But since you seem keen on judging this as a standalone, I’ll do my best to try to only use info provided in just this chapter, but there are a few key things to note where I’ll have to break this rule for the sake of clarity.
 
Starting with the “Berserk” mode Spike. This is only the second time this has happened, and it seems a little premature to assume that he’s won this fight. This fight isn’t over. I don’t want to spoil anything else on that matter to help preserve your (hopefully) pleasant reading experience. As for Octavia’s behavior, I think it’s very plausible that she would be surprised and even a little stunned from her failed attack. As you’ve stated, Octavia’s has done a lot of punching and kicking, but she also hasn’t managed to kill anyone with sheer blunt force trauma. Sure, she’s broken limbs by using all her strength to bash Rarity’s arm on her shoulder, and she did strangle RD with rope, but the sword is her primary weapon, a weapon she even said was built to cut through steel. So when she goes to strike Spike down, who is stirring in a pool of despair, believing his head will come rolling off like (what we can only imagine) it has many times before, only to instead find that her sword snapped in two and her target unharmed I believe it’s fair for Octavia to be a bit taken.
 
I don’t want to comment about there being no more stakes, as the fight isn’t over… so I’m just going to brush over that. Apologies that I can’t give you a more satisfying explanation.
 
But we’ll move on to the star wars comment. Spike is in no way Luke Skywalker, but he isn’t invincible either. We’re still in the very early stages of this story, a weakness (or perhaps even several) exist. Rage Spike one was to really just let the dog off the leash, so to say. But like any dog off a leash, it’s only a matter of time before he runs into the semi-truck. Which leads us to the Darth Vader. Octavia is not Darth Vader, I understand why you could think that, but our first Darth Vader has not shown up quite yet.
 
Lets tackle the conflict of this arc next. It’s a little naïve to say that Octavia is the victim here, and you may want to redefine your definition of self-defense. Octavia laid a blockade that (seemingly) appeared out of nowhere, an ambush. She then boarded their ship and stated “When you are all slain this ship will belong to me… and all these guns as well.” After a quick exchange, not wanting Octavia to get the first move, Rainbow proceeds to shoot at the threat in front of her, battle ensues up to and beyond this point. Octavia isn’t some ‘edgy longer kid’ who made a threat to a group of people, she’s more of a robber who broke into the Rogue Diamond’s home with a sword stating their intention to steal and kill. If anything, I think it could be well argued to say that that crew of the Rogue Diamond are the ones defending themselves. They were simply on a delivery mission when Octavia ambushed them, initiating the first aggression. I’m sorry, but I full-heartedly disagree with your statement here.
 
I will however, agree with your that this scene could have been done better. I won’t patronize you by saying “This is my first time really choregraphing a fight scene” but there’s still a lot I do need to learn about pacing, character dynamics, scene setting, and the subconscious plot of the fight itself. This fight does shift gears far too suddenly and there’s no real dance to it. No sense of suspense of who will live or who will die? No rhythm of two foes trying to out do the others in a powerful back and forth. For this, I thank you for calling me on it, and I hope future fights can be more dynamic.
 
I would like to thank you for taking the time to write up this critique, and in doing so in a manner that wasn’t too rude or belligerent. I know that I argued a point for myself for most of it, but do know that everything you said did make me sit down for a moment and contemplate what you said. I do hope you stick around to read the rest of this story, maybe you’ll be happy with what happens next. Maybe you won’t. That’s totally fine. But I’m going to keep writing this story following other people’s advise, but ultimately my own intuition. Because if I write a story I hate, then what was the point?

@Rhurrs  
Did you not read any of my comments? I get most of your points, but you keep complaining about how the rest of the crew (as in all of them) are apparently portrayed as worthless compared to Spike.  

CRONCH!
 
Were it not for the fact that Spike’s a pirate now, I’d say he took a bite out of crime.

@theffb  
Since you’re welcoming critique allow me to give some. I have not read all 520 pages for reference, I’ve read tids and bits as it’s come my way, and I largely ignored the porn stuff as that’s not my interest here, so I’m observing this Octavia “chapter” in a bubble if you will. I think it’s fair enough to judge and critique arcs on their own. And obviously of course since this part is still ongoing so I’m judging it from what I’ve seen so far.
 
First and foremost, Spike’s “berserk” mode is far too much of a Deus Ex Machina. He wins the fight ‘cuz he angy. Which doesn’t even make sense in this case, most of Octavia’s fighting has been through pure muscle, the sword was just used to cut bullets which she can also dodge. She shouldn’t really care it broke given most of her fighting style has been breaking arms and swinging people around like Yo-Yos.
 
But furthermore the core issue with this is it removes all stakes, lemme guess, RD’s gonna be fine in the end, huh? If I may, let me compare it to something else - Let’s look at the OT Star Wars trilogy (so Episodes 4-6) and why they pull things off really well, most of it admittingly is the usage of “The Hero’s Journey” structure which, while you don’t have to follow 100%, gives a good idea on how things should flow. Luke didn’t beat Darth Vader the first time they fought, in fact Luke nearly got bodied by Vader and ended up losing a hand, whereas Vader just kind of shrugged it off and left him. This is important, because it establishes two things in the story:
 

He disabled her arm. If it was 100% beast Spike, like his first transformation. That arm would not be exist, after that.

@theffb  
Frankly, I could believe all those things you mentioned as far as influence. But that’s fair and in light of that I retract the statement about the level influence.
 
However, my complaints about characterization still stand. I’m not ‘pissy’ so much as I just find it to be bad characterization when you build someone up and then have said someone cowering and instantly defeated.
 
I have no issues with characters being fitted into certain roles or who is deemed to be the ‘main’ one. But deus ex spins where reality suddenly bends around a character have, and will always bug me.

@theffb
 
Thank you kindly for authoring this most excellent comic. I’m highly enjoying it.

@theffb
 
 
Rapid clapping

@Rhurrs  
Hey buddy, TheFFB here.  
Just here to set a few things straight as you seem to be assuming a few things. Not your fault, of course as there’s no real way for you to have known.  
I am the one who writes this. Pia, along with many other talented artists, draws the comic. Pia and the rest of the crew have almost zero influence on the story and how it goes. This fight scene? All me. If Pia was writing this, or had the level of influence you think she does, there would be:
 
No Apple Bloom subplot  
Zero Twilight  
About 90% more sparity  
And frankly, far less violence
 
That’s just a few things that I can think of off the top of my head. This story will go in the direction I want it to. It will certainly not be a perfect story, but it’s a story that I enjoy writing and learning from.
 
Not everyone is going to like the direction I take this story, and that’s totally fine. You’re free to critique it, praise it, love it or hate it.
 
But don’t go being pissy at the wrong person who has little to no control over what happens. That’s just uncool.

Good Spike, good.  

@Rhurrs  
Exactly, and even then the main thing she ended up doing with that sword was cut bullets, something Spike isn’t using and it was shown she can just dodge anyway. Her taking down RD was a grapple hook-bolas thing and the raw strength to manipulate it.

@Populuxe  
Knowing what I know of Pia and seeing what I’ve seen of her over the years, I’m guessing no matter what is being written, she has power of approval or denial on the story, so it’s more than likely going to go a certain way regardless.
 
@Background Pony #DA1B  
This is exactly the complaint that I have. Even if we’re going to assume that Spike is the main character who’s going to do most of the saving, seeing the rest of the crew not getting any of their licks in does make one roll their eyes, since you’re relegating them to just being saved at that point. It makes them look incredibly incompetent and worthless.
 
Worse still is you have a “badass” in Octavia who handles Rainbow Dash like it’s nothing, cuts bullets in half and has these god tier reflexes, just suddenly losing her shit because she made Spike mad, freezing and allowing herself to be grabbed and bitten without even a struggle? She’s literally cringing away like a scared girl. Tough or not, you can’t convince me if she’s supposed to be nearly as formidable as she was led on to be, that she wouldn’t just flip him over her shoulder or flip over his and try to play keep away. She already proved earlier that she doesn’t need her sword to be scary and dangerous, so losing it shouldn’t in any way intimidate her to this level.