@Background Pony #81BE  
She could’ve, but maybe she thought gagging her the old-fashioned way would be more fun? xD

Why couldn’t she have removed twightights mouth?

@Mm  
It was a bit of a nice story A for effort. I could do a better one about my oc but I don’t want to and I don’t have time. I can on the weekend though. If you pm me maybe we could share made up stories or share advice and ideas

Trixie:hahaha twilight sparkle  
Twilight:Mmmph mmph mmmh mmmm wmmph

sorry

@Mm  

 
Also, as much as I like a good story, I don’t feel a picture’s comments are necessarily the right place to put them.
 
Perhaps instead, you could write the story, upload it to a server (I recommend Text Uploader) and link to it in your comment, so that  
a) it doesn’t produce a huge block of text in the comments, pushing everyone else’s comments right down into obscurity, and  
b) you can go back and edit/improve it later on if you feel like doing so. ;)

@Mm  
Lightning Energy hummed to herself as she went toward Sugar Cube Corner and went through the front door. She saw Pinkie and Pinkie (and Pinkie is not needed here. Instead, say something like, “She saw Pinkie, and the party pony…” instead of referring to her by name twice in quick succession. Also, dialogue sure would be nice. Show, don’t tell.) told Lightning to look for a cupcake. So Lightning looked for a cupcake then all of the sudden she felt something hard hit her head. Then she blacked out. (You don’t need two sentences for this. Just say that Lightning was hit, and this caused her to black out.) When she woke she found herself on a table strapped down. She tried to move her wings but they were also strapped down. (Your main problem seems to be having to describe one part of the action with one sentence. Put these sentences together and use commas for God’s sake. Reading like this. Gets really annoying. Especially when more than. One thing can be described. In a single sentence.) Then Pinkie,Twilight,Rainbow,Applejack,Fluttershy,Rarity,and Spike entered the room. (From where? Why are they all there? Why don’t they explain anything?) Lightning asked where she was then Pinkie smiled at Lighning at (and, not at, I’d assume.) told her she was about to get tickled. Lightning started freaking out a little bit. (A character needs to show more emotion than what the narrator tells them if the effect is to be successful. Do this through dialogue. It’s absent throughout the entire story.) She had never been tickled before. Then Twilight walked up to Lightning and made a hand with her magic and started tickling Lightning’s hoofpits. Lightning started laughing but not much. (Alternatively, you could say something like, “Lightning tried to stifle her laughter, but couldn’t help but laugh a little.” The way you describe things happening is very boring.) Then Rainbow came over and started tickling Lightning’s chest with her wing. Lightning started laughing a little bit more. Then Rarity tickled Lightning’s sides with feathers. Then Pinkie tickled Lightning’s right wing with her hooves. Lightning was laughing hard now. Then Applejack joined Pinkie on the wings by tickling Lightning’s left wing. Then Spike was tickling Lightning’s hoofpits along with Twilight. Then Fluttershy stroked Lightning’s right back hoof with her wing. Then Lightning started begging them not to tickle her back hooves. (There’s barely any pacing at all. The story moves along at such a lightning (no pun intended) quick pace. There’s no going into detail about what’s happening at all.) Then Rainbow had this smirk on her face and started tickling Lightning’s left back hoof with her wing. Lightning was screaming with laughter. Then the others let Rainbow do the tickling. Rainbow was now tickling Lightning’s left back hoof hard with her wing. (Instead of stating what’s happening again, find a way to describe the act’s continuation and either how Rainbow Dash is doing it or Lightning’s reaction to it.) She did this for what it seemed like hours. Then Lightning passed out.
 
This doesn’t read like a story. It reads like a script with no dialogue. We get almost no read on the characters’ thoughts, motivations, etc. The way I can describe how you write is to imagine driving. There is a stop sign every ten feet. You constantly have to stop, go, stop, go, and it’s irritating. Are you even aware of what a comma’s purpose is aside from separating more than two objects? There’s also next to no description of the events occurring. The reader gets only one bit of description per sentence, and then the story moves on without going into detail.
 
Ultimately, it’s a 0/10. Keep trying.

Jerkface what is wrong with my story?

@Mm  

Story(about my oc):Lightning Energy hummed to herself as she went toward Sugar Cube Corner and went through the front door. She saw Pinkie and Pinkie told Lightning to look for a cupcake. So Lightning looked for a cupcake then all of the sudden she felt something hard hit her head. Then she blacked out. When she woke she found herself on a table strapped down. She tried to move her wings but they were also strapped down. Then Pinkie,Twilight,Rainbow,Applejack,Fluttershy,Rarity,and Spike entered the room. Lightning asked where she was then Pinkie smiled at Lighning at told her she was about to get tickled. Lightning started freaking out a little bit. She had never been tickled before. Then Twilight walked up to Lightning and made a hand with her magic and started tickling Lightning’s hoofpits. Lightning started laughing but not much. Then Rainbow came over and started tickling Lightning’s chest with her wing. Lightning started laughing a little bit more. Then Rarity tickled Lightning’s sides with feathers. Then Pinkie tickled Lightning’s right wing with her hooves. Lightning was laughing hard now. Then Applejack joined Pinkie on the wings by tickling Lightning’s left wing. Then Spike was tickling Lightning’s hoofpits along with Twilight. Then Fluttershy stroked Lightning’s right back hoof with her wing. Then Lightning started begging them not to tickle her back hooves. Then Rainbow had this smirk on her face and started tickling Lightning’s left back hoof with her wing. Lightning was screaming with laughter. Then the others let Rainbow do the tickling. Rainbow was now tickling Lightning’s left back hoof hard with her wing. She did this for what it seemed like hours. Then Lightning passed out. (let me know if you want me to write one where just Rainbow or the others just tickle her)

Oooh, I really hope that when Twiley gets loose, she manages to turn the tables on Trixie for a little bit of fun. ;D

@Jerkface
 
Same XD

@Dirty Bit  
I’m surprised it wasn’t here sooner.

In truth, I was waiting for something like this