Me, Roseluck, Lily, and Daisy go fishing.  
All 3 of them caught a shark and dragged to water.
 
Lol this is a stressful fishing day.

….I want Y to be both above and below X.  
Merely because “Princess Cadence, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Trixie are deeply in love with you”  
sounds like a good idea  
and by “Good idea”  
I mean a train wreck that’d be highly entertaining

Silver spoon, rarity, and fluttershy are deeply in love with me. After I ditch silver spoon, I can se this going quite well.

Vinyl, Molestia and Luna are deeply in love with me.
 
Vinyl? Meh, okay.  
Molestia? Oh god…  
Luna? Sure!

Dec. 25th. I want rainbow dash and twilight in love with meeeee

I got rid of roseluck,Lily, and daisy… Mahayana….

I pull Trixie out of my computer/TV.

A human Dinky keeps flashing me every time she bends over.  
I wish she was a pony so I wouldn’t get in trouble for this.

“I try to teach Queen Chrysalis how to drive, but to my despair she runs over Spitfire.”
 
/)_-

@Applebloom121  
Here, I’ll let Derpy kill me in this one. :)

@rserp8  
oh ok

@Applebloom121  
Last time I checked it, I injected myself with a mixture of chemicals, viruses and the Extremis virus to give me immortality. It would’ve killed me. It should’ve killed me. But it didn’t. Just even watch. I’ll put Janice to my head and…  
fires gun into head, blood splattering on the walls  
TA-DAAA!!!!

@rserp8  
Nope lol

This is the last time I let Diamond Tiara fix up my drinks. She apologizes to me for the milkshakes thing and I forgave her for that, so I ask her to make me a cup of scotch, next thing I know I wake up in a dungeon cell with a bomb strapped to my chest. If she wasn’t immortal, I’d fucking kill her for this.  
Okay, Derpy, I really don’t want to do this, and I know you don’t want to do this either, but we have to fight to the death. (Wait, am I immortal?)

@Background Pony  
Tempting, but I’m not a killer. Not because of any sense of moral superiority or anything, just because of a general lack of willpower.

Rarity fires a heat seeking rocket at me. Wow, the one time I try to cosplay as the 6th Doctor Rarity had to go nuts against questionable fashion choices.

@Background Pony  
Could be. I will eat pretty much any food that look unattended. This is why I’m no longer allowed in most supermarkets.

@gasmaskangel  
maybe you ate the last muffin she was going to give her mother.

@Scrounge  
murder her

Derpy stuffs King Sombra into a box and mails him to a hungry dragon. Good job Derpy.

Dinky grabs me by the legs and slams me to the ground for two hours straight. FUCKING WHY?! I mean I don’t deny that I’m a bastard and deserve it, I would just like to know the specific reason.

Lightning Dust puts bombs on my and Pinkie’s chests and forces us to fight to the death…
 
Pinkie couldnt you break the 4th wall to remove these and put them both on Lightning Dust?

I pull diamond Tiara out of my computer/TV.
 
…but I don’t WANT that one! How do I send her BACK?

I wake up in a pot with Twist, twinkleshin, and applejack standing over me with forks and knives.
 
Of course. Hold on, hold on. I need to make a call. Hey, military, I’ve got a bunch of cannibals next to me, and need some help. Track this phone call, and please assist me.