Better than lifting boxes of random bullshit around all day for minimum wage, I’ll fucking take it.

No sex, no deal. Where’s the dimensional portal, your highnesses?

I guess it’s cuddles time then.

@Randomosaur
 
This sounds like a take back in an attempt to close a loop hole created in poor wording in the original contract.

@DanielTepesKraus  
Luna: Rubs your belly with magic Who’s a good boy, who’s a good boy!

Dear friends and family, I have accepted a new job, one which will never allow us to see or hear each other again.
 
In closing:  

Calmly explain that, while I appreciate their interest in me, I would rather have a white-hot sewing needle jammed into my urethra than agree to their terms.
 
One urethra needle later, regret my choice of words.

I have mixed feelings, in all honestly.
 
@PaskaNaakka  
LOL!

I’m too busy laughing my ass off at the thought of Celestia throwing a ball and me chasing after it to even attempt to answer this.

As long as I am properly entertained and fed…FED MEAT…I have no qualms about Luna calling me to her side by saying “here boy, who’s a good boy”

@Randomosaur  
Still a tough sell.

@Randomosaur  
Or when an Earth family member is dying, during which you can visit them on their last day.

Eh so so.

@AaronMk  
There is both Equestrian internet and Earth internet, but the latter is read-only, though you can listen to music and watch online videos.
 
The only exception is when a loved one from your old family dies, when you are allowed to attend their funeral via webcam.

@PonyPon  
By no intercourse, it means no anal or vaginal sex. Oral is still in.

that’s… kinda weird. a sentient/sapient pet? a friend that cant go home or a servant or something would be ok, but a pet is like, what the actual fuck.  
not cool

Presuming I have internet that’s connected to Earth’s net I presume I will not be too far from home in this case, and not out of touch with things going on and still capable of interacting with my friends via video games.
 
Utilizes these resources to discuss the finer points of sending troubling folks to the moon.

The only thing really at stake here is my last nugget of pride being destroyed by being referred to as a pet. And the lack of intercourse.
 
Tough sell to make, this is.

Hump their legs and poop on the floor.