Sex and Nudity Aren't Good Reasons to Fire Someone

Editor's note: Some links in this story lead to adult material and are not suitable for viewing at work. All links of this nature will be noted with "NSFW" after them.

There's a place that
I can go
And tell my secrets to
In my room

-- The Beach Boys

What if we start with the idea that sex is good, bodies are beautiful and exhibitionism is a wonderfully exuberant way to celebrate life, love and the pursuit of pleasure?

What if we take it a step further and admit that technology has opened the doors -- and the windows, and the portcullises, and the skylights and the ventilation systems -- to a surfeit of sexual expression and display?

Is it really asking too much to suggest that employers stop worrying about how we perform in adult spaces and concentrate on how we perform our jobs instead?

Apparently it is, for the nonce.

An Ohio teacher was fired last month after his private nude photos were posted online without his knowledge and then discovered by administrators. In February, Michelle Manhart was demoted from Air Force staff sergeant to senior airman and then reassigned to the Iowa National Guard, simply for posing in Playboy without first obtaining the Air Force's permission.

A New York Post article about how online activities affect a job hunt cites an example of a manager who was fired after his bosses found his pictures on an erotic dating site. Not because he was using company time to update his profile, but because "he showed extremely poor judgment by making such a personal matter public."

It makes you wonder what the bosses were doing at the dating site.

I am so sick of the priggishness. Tired of people making assumptions about a person based on their perceptions of the other's sexuality -- especially when they base those assumptions on the single dimension of online expression. Flabbergasted at the assumption that if you participate in adult activity online, you must lack judgment, integrity or reliability.

Getting naked on the internet is an international pastime, not the whim of a handful of sex addicts. Flashing your booty or treating yourself to an orgasm is hardly a sign that you are incapable of doing your job well, nor does it grant permission for others to dismiss your professional competence or authority.

And millions of sane, healthy, normal folks cannot resist the special lure of the internet, where you can be voyeur and exhibitionist at the same time.

Adult dating site Adult FriendFinder (NSFW) has almost 24 million members. I'm pretty sure at least one of them is a teacher, one who has no problem maintaining discipline in the classroom despite having sexual adventures outside of it.

NewbieNudes.com (NSFW), an adult-social-networking community, has more than 1.1 million members who blog about sex, post explicit self-portraits and talk dirty in chat rooms.

And how many of Second Life's 5.5 million or so residents are there for the food?

If sexual expression disqualified us from our jobs, there wouldn't be anyone left to do the work.

Happily for me, the recent spate of firings does not seem to be curtailing our willingness to open up our sexuality online, although college students are learning that they shouldn't brag about illegal drug use or reveal their horrible spelling where prospective employers can see it.

Devan, who appeared in an explicit student film that was later sold for distribution -- "it was an art statement about polyamory, and I was in fact dating all the girls I had sex with (on camera)" -- says he doesn't worry about anyone stumbling across him. It's a matter of "spreading sex-positive culture and enthusiasm," he says.

Others who share his interests and goals about sex and expression realize that their adventures could quickly become disasters. Yet they forge ahead anyway.

Eric and Katie Todd (not their real names) are a married couple who have decided to expand their relationship to include other lovers and to blog (NSFW) about the experiment. They blur their faces in the photos and are careful not to identify themselves too specifically, but they admit to being "a bit terrified" about being "outed."

"We both work in normal everyday businesses and this would be completely unexpected," Eric says. "And her parents would likely disown us."

But he says it's worth the risk.

"Not only has our sex life been better and felt more free, but I think we have better communication in the rest of our marriage, too. Now that we have 'opened' the marriage, neither of us feels a pressing need to run out and get laid by someone else," he adds, treating the blog and the relationship experiment as inseparable, like so many online sexplorers do. "It seems that the freedom is more important than the actual act."

That seems like a good philosophy for us all to adopt -- particularly those who wield power over others, like managers and administrators.

If you are following a person's digital trail and you learn that they spend Saturdays submitting to a dominatrix and Sundays blogging about the relationship and posting photos of the interplay, what assumptions can you draw about that person's professional skills?

None.

It's quite possible that a day of submission each week releases all the stress from the office and makes them an effective and productive employee. It's also quite possible that they are excellent cooks, loving parents, sensible drivers and terrible project managers.

Dismissing a candidate or an employee based on what you think (or what you think you know) about their sexuality deprives you of creative and intelligent employees. And whatever consensual sexual activity -- including publishing! -- they do on their own time and with their own equipment is truly none of your business.

Because if we're starting with the premise that bodies and sex are good and beautiful, we don't have to follow it with "and therefore we need to keep them secret." That's like saying sex is dirty and shameful and therefore to be saved for your One True Love. Or saying that something so sacred and intimate must be hidden -- but you don't see anyone trying to keep yoga or prayer in the closet.

I still believe that our pretenses of primness will give way before the rising tide of expression.

It might already be happening. MSNBC's sex columnist Brian Alexander reports that erotic art is becoming mainstream, with exhibitions and festivals popping up in cities all across the United States and Europe. People aren't afraid to attend or to be seen attending, either -- they march right up to the door and pay the admission fee.

And Kyle H., who has appeared in amateur porn films "both with and without my face showing," admits that he has had "a lot more problems with the fear of its causing repercussions than actual repercussions."

If you don't want to see someone you know naked or sexually engaged, stay out of the adult areas of the internet. If you're there, what right do you have to punish others for their participation?

People have sex. Some people have kinkier sex than others, depending on how you define "kinky." Some people like to share their sex lives with others in various ways and the internet is an effective platform for doing so. Next up: Water is wet and San Francisco is foggy.

Now get back to work.

See you next Friday,

Regina Lynn

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Regina Lynn blogs at reginalynn.com, except when she's working on her book or napping with her dog.