PS. That comment in the first panel? That’s a haughty, self-entitled comment, NOT a good way to introduce a “timid but wise” character.  
Also, “Templar”. Celestia, and Luna, and Orion, okay, not exactly Shakspeare but I can see the pattern, right? “Templar” though, it sounds like an attempt at a really awesome OC name. It’s kinda bad.  
We like Blueblood. Cut Templar, keep Orion, and make him more interesting, and this could be the best MLP villain ever.

I knew he’d f@&k it up, but damn there are pages in this story that I genuinely like.  
Like Celestia explaining griffon diplomacy.  
Or Orion as a villain (minus the OCmess & OOCness), how he is fitted into the mythology or the scene where he talks about the elements and praises the mane 6 for their achievements.
 
There could be a truly awesomesauce villain in this, and the author deserves all praise for that, if only he knew not to fall back on the common Marty Stu character writing issues that make him totally bland and non interesting.  
But it could be a character worthy of the actual show with effort.

WHY YES I REMEMBER THE STORY I WAS JUST READING ABOUT IT TOGETHER WITH MY BIG BROTHER WHO HAS ALWAYS EXISTED BY THE WAY

this is a very badly thought ouf story. plot holes the size of greed enraged spike’s cloaca.

I am fucking losing it here!

Aw.